Thursday, February 10, 2011

A deep personal confession (be prepared)

I've held this secret in for a long time from the general public.  I've guarded this secret for many many years with only a few people knowing of it. It is time that I announce it to the world on whole. For this, I thought what better place to do it than the internet! With little or no fanfare, the secret shall be unleashed now.

I am a nerd and a geek.

I refused to accept those labels when I was younger. Instead, I want to be called a punk. High school Chris very much imagine post graduation that he'd be wearing leather and studs with spiked hair. 24-year-old Chris now realizes and groans at the thought of high school Chris. To relate a perfect anecdote about this subject I will tell about the first time I brought Emmy to meet my parents in Idaho.

It was a nice spring day, we took my car. Once in Soda Springs, my parents greeted both of us warmly. It was a great visit. However, before we left my stepdad says, "Oh Chris, I found something of yours."

I assumed it was an item of little value. He went to his bedroom and came back with a bracelet, a bracelet that I thought lost to the ages and moving. This particular bracelet had occasionally crossed my mind while I was still in high school for I lost it in 9th grade. Once out of my freshman year of college though, I secretly was glad that it was gone. Or so I thought. This bracelet was a leather studded bracelet for a young punk rock Chris.



The look on Emmy's face was priceless as she saw what Steve revealed. My face, on the other hand, was a mixture of horror and agony as I saw the lost item. My eyes wide Emmy smiled huge as Steve gave my studded bracelet back to me. Taken away as punishment for wearing it at the wrong time and place. My childhood notions of what was cool came back to thrust in my face the harsh realities of how absurd they were. The older Chris shudders as he looks at a year book.

Anyways, I denied to myself the vigilant truth of my youth. Despite my attempts to call myself a punk, I wasn't. Sure I listened to the music but the real rebeliousness of being a punk was lost on me. I was smart, driven and interested in things. At USU, I tried for a year to maintain my punk edge but found it not the right place for me. It wasn't me.

Which brings me completely back to my point. I am a geek and a nerd (honestly some would split hairs here, I'm happy with either title although both titles together really hit me dead on). In high school I hid my nerdy and geeky passions, no one really knew that I played video games or if they did they thought it limited to Halo. And no one especially knew that I would play Yu Gi Oh cards. Oh yes I did. I still have them.



I'm proud of those parts of me that I wasn't denied. Emmy knows and supports my stupid (for me they are stupid) and embarrassing (for me they are embarrassing) interests. A lot of people know me as the biggest Halo fan. I am not on the extreme where I would spend thousands of dollars on a master Chief outfit. I would totally go to Comic Con as an Odst though with Emmy. I own all the Halo games and all the books and all the comics. Halo is a passion as it struck some interest deep down in me.

Emmy and I are planning on having lightsaber fights every night to decide who will cook dinner. These are the FX master replica ones. We will have them proudly mounted on the wall. I own all the movies; honestly I love all the movies but criticize them all equally. I play star wars RPG and love the KOTOR games. I would seriously love being a jedi.




Part of this confession is partially selfish I must admit. A younger Chris would cringe at these admissions but I realize that it is nice to say that I love things and not hide them. I denied so much to myself in an attempt to appear cool. I admit having Emmy makes all this easier. She knows about my nerdiness and geekness, my dorkness, whatever label you want to call it. I love those parts about her and she loves those parts about me.


This isn't to say I would label myself solely as those words. Labels aren't bad. They help us identify I feel but using just one denies parts ourselves. I am still a punk in ways but I am so many other things.

Regardless, I have passions that are nerdy or geeky and I love them. I'd be prepared for many more in the future.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Novel Progress

I'd like to say my blog is full of insight and humor; however, the truth remains it is probably just a collection of my random thoughts, attempts at humor and a diary of my life. However, here I am plugging away at it. Updating things so everyone can see.

My novel progress. I want to make a pun out of it but sadly my mind is failing me at the moment. I'm up to 175 pages with my history chapter or 160 without. I've been giving some thought to my rewrites for some parts and one chapter/part is the history pages. I either need to rework them to be less dry or work them into the novel so you can still get it but not as blah. Also armor descriptions. Balin's armor has never been described in the book, but now I've wrote something for his armor.

My friend Kim is coming to town today so I may get a haircut but I'll just hang out with her later this week and get one then so I don't see like a douche.  All my hang out clothes are washing so I may have to dress up for hanging out. Awkward. I know . But meh.

I miss Emmy but soon I'll fly out there and we'll hang for a week of fun and games. Feb 24!